dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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