OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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