Non-Jews are for practice
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
BRING THE BAGELS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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