the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
