those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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