Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
