My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
