Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
high people should be assigned attendants
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
