I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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