Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
