feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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