True but thats because hes a fetus.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
