rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
