I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
