im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
