Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
