So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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