FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
