DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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