So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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