If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
