so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
