i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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