is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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