What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
