I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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