Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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