my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
