that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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