I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
