You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
