He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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