My sheets look like a crime scene.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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