he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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