I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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