Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My balls are so social today.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
