fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
