sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
