I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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