I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
