Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
