did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
the liver wants what the liver wants
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
