Just fell off a train. Bad.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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