Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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