"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can I color on your dick again?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
