Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
