You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
