was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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