ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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