i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
