Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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