tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
